January of 2024 was the month my life took a turn for the worse. My attendance rates, my grades, and my overall health rapidly declined. Living life comfortably was no longer an option for me, and going to school became a chore. My new normal was to lay in bed until my pain landed me in the emergency room.
My first visit to the hospital this year was in January when I had an upper endoscopy performed. The procedure was executed in hopes to find the reason I was experiencing severe stomach pain that wasn’t cured with medication. My surgeon discovered ulcers, polyps, and severe inflammation in my abdomen. That one scope soon became so many IVs, hospital gowns, and drugs that I can’t even pronounce the name of. That one procedure turned into multiple doctors appointments as the year continued, and not even medical professionals know what’s causing my pain. Chronic pain that initially started in my abdomen, soon spread throughout my entire body. My fatigue became so severe that every inch of my body experienced pain.
Hospital trips were my new reality. Nurses and doctors became my best friends who held my hand through the pain and cracked jokes to make me laugh. Patiently waiting for test results were almost as irritating as the pain that flooded throughout my body.
Being chronically ill with an unknown disease is a path of ups and downs. One day my immune system will cooperate completely normally, and the next, I’m so uncomfortable in my own body that I can’t get out of bed. Due to the stabbing pain in my abdomen and fatigue that causes every inch of my body to ache and consumes all my energy. The unbearable pain has consumed my life, and all of my routines have drastically changed. I wake up each morning and I take several pills that I don’t even know the purpose of, just praying that they will work to ease the pain in my abdomen.
Loneliness plays a large factor in being sick with the unknown. Feeling alone in a situation is by far the worst feeling. I feel like no one else understands what I’m going through. Most days, I don’t even understand it myself. It’s hard to understand my own health when doctors can’t even comprehend it, and it’s even harder explaining to teachers why I was absent for three days in a row and have none of my homework done. My friends worry about having their homework done on time and maintaining a 4.0 GPA, while I worry about taking all of my medications on time in hopes that the pills will allow me to feel normal for at least one day. Guilt is another emotion that I feel every single day, and I blame it on my health.
I am amazed how much my life has changed this year. My perfect attendance turned into missing several days of school each month and grades so low I worry about my academic future. As I continue to progress in this chapter of my life, I’m trying to view it as a transformation. While this has taken me to some of the lowest moments in my life, it has also helped me find new strengths and perspectives. I’m moving forward with resilience, gratitude, and a deeper understanding of what it truly means to be alive.
