Adolescence and the teenage years are supposed to be some of the most carefree and enjoyable years of life.  There is the comfort of friends and family being close, accompanied by the new freedoms.  Graduation and college are on the horizon and each high school student begins to plan their future.

High school is the time to figure out what and who you want to be. This process of self-discovery and realization is vital to the character and relational development of teenagers, but is self-development possible for high schoolers in a relationship?

Time management is one of the most difficult aspects of the high school experience.  Throughout high school, many students learn to balance work, school, friends, and sports.  With all the events of a busy calendar, adding a relationship to the mix can complicate things.  

“I feel like there are times I choose to hang out with him [Sheamus Sinnot] over doing my homework,” sophomore Keary Friedrichsen said.  “I just procrastinate more than I should now.”

The time and effort needed to maintain an actual relationship has proven to be demanding for many, and this difficulty commonly increases during sports seasons.  During high school sports seasons, practices aren’t just a few times a week, they are everyday.  This time commitment limits the availability of both participants in a relationship.

“It’s definitely a lot harder in softball season because our sports are at the same time,” Junior Natalie Brand said.  “So we’re lucky to hang out once a week, and it’s usually short.”

Along with the extreme busyness of sports seasons, the demand required to maintain friendships takes away time available for a relationship.  The weekends of those not in a relationship are often more flexible as they don’t have to plan and divide their time between their friends and partner.

“Friday and Saturday are the two nights I always have to figure out early in the week,” Brand said.  “I usually talk to my other friends who are in relationships and we figure out how to split the nights.”

The maintenance of a relationship and time away from friends draws the question, is it worth it?  With all the things that fill up high schoolers’ schedules, is a relationship at such a young age a burden or a blessing?

High schoolers are easily overwhelmed with a packed schedule and at times need time for themselves.  This “alone time” is often cut into when they are in a relationship and this can take away from the possibility of self-discovery.

“If you’re a good communicator you can still get time to yourself,” Junior Lydia Pruch said.  “As long as you’re with a person who does not get offended when you ask to be alone.”

While the pressure of balancing so many things can weigh down the joy of a relationship, it can also teach high school students to learn how to work through conflict.  Those who learn to communicate in a relationship are also more likely to learn and be able to positively interact with friends and family.  

“Communication has been a big thing,” Brand said.  “Especially because we go to different schools there has to be a lot of trust.”

Dating someone at a different school requires a higher level of communication.  When dating someone who goes to the same school it is much easier to have face-to-face conversations, allowing both individuals to fully understand how the other person is feeling.  

In addition to everyday contact, dating someone at the same school allows for a consistent environment.  In some cases, couples share a friend group.  The sharing of friends can have pros and cons.  Having the same friends allows couples to spend more time together while ensuring they are not neglecting their friendships. 

Friedrichsen expressed how this sharing of friends also poses a potential threat if a breakup were to happen.

Another issue that arises for modern high school relationships is the issue of communication being mainly through a phone.  When individuals do not go to the same school, they rely on their phones and Snapchat/social media to communicate daily.  

“I usually try to talk on a call rather than text,” junior Myles Trauch said.  “It’s different getting to hear her voice and things are less likely to get miscommunicated.”

While new technology has allowed for more frequent communication, texts and messages can easily be misinterpreted.  There is the ability to “hide behind a phone,” in times of arguments resulting in confusion and the development of poor problem-solving capabilities.  The ability to avoid conflict can become a habit for high schoolers, especially in relationships.

Another issue that arises for teens in high school relationships is the opinion of parents and friends.  Frequently, high school students rely on their friends for advice and can accidentally overshare, crossing a line between a public and private relationship.

“We mostly just keep everything to ourselves,” Trauch said.  “My friends can say what they want, but at the end of the day it is what makes me happy, and I give them that same respect.”

Parents have a lot of control over their children and their relationships.  High schoolers base their agenda on a “yes”  or “no” from parental figures.  This approval/disapproval of plans can negatively affect a relationship as both parties’ parental values and strictness may not align.

“My parents pretty much let me make my own decisions with my time,” Pruch said.  “If I have already hung out with him [Asher Christo] that week, they encourage me to choose to hang out with friends.”

High schoolers may need this guidance as they figure out how to manage their time and ability to be in a relationship.  

The major concern for those in high school relationships is when and what if it ends.  Those in relationships have to be willing to plan/base their future around a “what if”. 

Many are ok with this feeling of uncertainty as countless things in high school are “what ifs” [college, friends, sports].  The problem with the uncertainty of relationships is the time and effort put into them.  High schoolers often fear all of it being for nothing; but, if they are in the right relationship, that time spent in a relationship should allow them to learn to be a better person for their future partners.

“If being with them does not make you happy you’re wasting your time,” Pruch said.  “There’s no reason to put off breaking up with someone because you’re worried about hurting their feelings, if they really cared about you they would be ok with you putting yourself first.” 

As college is on the horizon for many, high schoolers often face a crucial decision.  There is the common expectation that high schoolers should break up for “the college experience,” but is that necessary if they are in the right relationship?

To determine this, high school students must ask themselves if they are willing to grow with this person, learn how to communicate, and base their future on a “what-if”.

“If you really like the person, it’s worth trying to figure out,” Pruch said.  “Being in college will impact the relationship, but it shouldn’t change it to the point where you can’t stay together.”